President Daddy-Face

After the hell of Barack Obama'a first year in office, I've noticed something. Somehow, he, personally, is responsible for "the message". In fact, what President Obama needs to do is sit down and explain everything to us citizens. If he doesn't and the opposition party tells random lies, misinformation, etc etc, even outright crazy talk, this is his personal fault. He and he alone is the force for good true and right, all those Sentaros and Reprsuzzlvis or whatever you call them in Congress, they are mere courtiers. The news media? Pffft. The servants to his majesty. We, unwashed peasantry-only job left in this scenario-have to stand there and wait for the personal word of our Prez.

Really? Seriously, wtf? If I needed a guy to hold my hand and patiently explain every detail of legislation, I'd be out picking up drunken old political beasts outside the capitol building. And the mere concept of that is enough for me to cross my legs twice and take novitiate vows. You know, Senator People, you get on these dumb very important chat shows. How about asking one of your least polished interns to translate the policy into human language and use those to make your points on the wonk shows? And, here's a good move, when faced with obvious lies, call the liar out. I know, I know, collegiality etc., not gonna have a friendly lunch party anymore, may not be invited over for wine bar outings.

"But we golf together," you wail. Standing with not just your party leader, Democratic Senators and House Representatives, but the prevailing will of your party base is just a little bit more important that that Republican buddy who'll gladly depict you as a communist-socialist come election time. The ever so gentlemanly fellow from Kansas? The same douchebag who claims you're personally responsible for the debts his party ran up with supplementals for the past 6 years. "OMG, we're in a war? Why didn't anyone tell us? Now we have to pay for stuff!" That sweet little grandma from North Carolina? She'll gladly lie about where you stand so you look like you want to kill babies for eternal youth cocktails. Get your head together, Democratic Rep. The Republicans don't care what you do when they're off camera. They're not your friends, they're not your buds, and they will knife you to your face. Americans will then spit on you for how you apologize for soiling their knife. Wherever the fuck you stashed your balls the past decade, find and get out there and fight like you mean it.