Misanthropic Meanderings

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Location: California, United States

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Saturday, May 27, 2006

Lo, God hath said...

Well, I'm awake. It only took a few hours of driving to do it. This is one of those extra long work days I seem to be racking up this year. Shopping is done, lazy biz partner is napping and before I go do some design work, I figured I'd post some drivel. Speaking of years, this year has turned unusual for me, although that has been quite the usual lately. For pete's sake, I got myself ordained. Well, well, well.

Suck it bitches, I'm closer to gawd than you. I got a freakin' certificate that says so! The how of that, online site I can barely recall, the why-pure, utter pervosity. The one thing everyone agreed upon in my life was that my smarts were going to be used by God somehow. What I felt or even thought about the matter was not asked, so I can provide you with no past me feedback. I doubt I questioned such pronouncements, I was a good little doll. As I matured and saw what being a pw (preacher's wife) might entail, I hoped the just loving deity would provide a traffic accident to free me of this destiny. The loving deity did provide a train wreck of a nonmaterial kind, I can only hope I amused he/she/it's magnificent bastardness. Gods are funny people.

Being older now and marginally wiser, I find myself wondering why we conceived of deities. What need do they fulfill? The logic of absolute belief in linen clad farts with nothing better to do than broadside a person for saying "fuck" or not putting a whole $20 into the offering plate escapes me. The best I can do is believe that we crafted these avatars of humanity. They are our good and our bad and our mediocre.

It is good for man not to be alone, so we created "god". As we impacted on our environment more, so did our gods. As we desired hegemony for our various "superior" cultures, so did gods war and often 1 male became the elevated presence. In some cases, he subsumed all other gods' powers and attributes, taking an infinite word "god" and narrowing it to mean "just this one guy with the thunderbolts".

So here I am, a pagnostic who's been approved of by some online church simply because they believe all who approach have a calling. I can marry you to that lovely flat screen tv you've been eyeing. I can open my own church with nubile 18 year old altar boys for ravishment, um, spreading blessings. I have power and authority. How embarassing.

I think I'll stick to what religion is really good at, ripping off the faithful.

Anyone care for some blessed amulets? Made by a real reverend!


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