Misanthropic Meanderings

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Sunday, May 27, 2007

Depraved Souls

I got caught in an act of forgiveness this weekend. My friends don't seem to understand it, not that I can claim complete understanding myself. Sometimes I wonder if it's just an act to be sympathetic, then I wonder who I'm supposed to fooling. Sometimes, pardon my ego, I think I understand the nature of anger & hatred just a little bit more than they do. It's easy to sit there and bear a grudge from now until kingdom come on somebody. It's petty, small, lacking in any level of emotional development, but somehow, it 's also a thing to do. I'm part of a political board, I can testify to how much of a channel for boredom and emotional discontent mindless hatreds can be.
I prefer to reserve my hate for the body blows from those you love. Aren't they the ones who use their access to your heart & mind for harm? They, more than any random stranger are the source of the deepest pain, the splintered shards of heart their elbows have left in your chest. No stranger has such a deft ability to strike true. You are left with a question-no, the question. Was it intentional or not? Is there a plan or simply the harm of a-god-who-is-a-child-left-in -charge? Then you can hate with all the fullness, all the drama of an explosion, all hate unfurling petals across a dark sky, looking to consume.
When you're full of righteous indignation at your pain, when you have the criminal at your feet, you have to look within yourself and ask the other question. "Can I do as was done to me?" I have no illusions on the subject. I can't. It isn't my way. I get angry and then I melt like a sugar sculpture of hell left in the rain. It's not that I can't do violence. I am violent. I keep that under wraps, for my safety as well as others. I just can't hurt others willingly, with full knowledge of what I'm doing. I also can't take the guilt.
In the end, it is a kindness done to myself to forgive. To let anger fade away and release that fist. Pain brings a kind of madness, this wild-eyed chaotic destruction that would make any folly look good. It is pleasant to send her on her way. Peacefulness is a boon. It makes dealing with the fallout from hurt easier if you have it. I'm not saying forgiveness puts everything aright. But for some reason, you can rest, wounded or no.

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Friday, May 11, 2007

Ye are the Salt of the Earth

As a young and faithful christian, I was under a lot of pressure to attend a CHRISTIAN University. My faith, you see, would've come under constant attack from seculars, driven by the devil to tear at the structures of my belief until I started swilling baby blood at lesbian potluck black sabbaths by the light of burning flags. I graduated fairly unscathed by university teachings. Life, sponsored my eventual disassociation with any fundamentalism whatsoever, christian or otherwise.
Oddly, the ethics of christianity stayed with me, despite my current fallen state. I look at some high profile graduates of christian university-Regent University, to name names- and I wonder. How can you supposedly attend a school where the principles of a religion that prizes ethics turn out such ethically challenged people? Why would someone raised on “Thou Shalt Not Steal", willingly co-operate with stealing peoples' right to vote? When does “Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness (lie)” turn off, so you can deny you ever decided to fire attorneys because they failed to be partisan enough? How do you lie to yourself enough to accept a position you aren't qualified for?
Pat Robertson created Regent University to set up an institution that would turn out men & women with advanced degrees securely founded in christian ideals & virtues. Last I checked, blind partisanship, corporatism, subverting & perverting the justice department and pure, outright lying, were not christian principles.

Perhaps we should all write CBN and query Pat? Dear Pat, why are so many Regent University grads in the DOJ with no experience? And why do they need to take the fifth so damned often?