Misanthropic Meanderings

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Location: California, United States

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Saturday, June 03, 2006

Such Lovely Green Eyes

I'm dealing with the strangest thing.

Someone is jealous of me. Now, those of you scanning this in passing don't know me, so you might think I'm a raging egomaniac for saying that. Hell, people who do know me rather well would find that odd. People being jealous of me is not something that happens except as a potentiality, IMO. So why would I think that there's a case of the green eyes being caused by me? Well, little birds have brought news of some really vitrolic comments being made re: me. To be correct, this person isn't just jealous, they've got tons of other issues too. It's the latest focus on specific things about me and my relationships that cued me into what might be going on with them. Not that it wasn't something I'd noticed before. I was hoping to avoid being a target by avoiding her, but some people are train wrecks looking for a crash site.
Strange as hell.

You just don't know why people react the way they do. There are elements of empathy that can almost make it seem like you know, but you don't really. Everyperson's life is filled with interpretations, feelings, & concepts that will be unique to them. They can share their living space with others, talk to friends, have lovers but that internal landscape will be theirs alone to tread. The fun part is, whatever you don't like about yourself, is all you'll ever believe anyone else is saying to you.

What will I do? Nothing, I can't say it doesn't bug me because well, hell, let someone smear you and see how good it feels. I'm fucking human. But I also have to admit that the rantings of the delusional are often amusing, despite my humanist nature. There's also a little bit of marvel. How many times do you get to be the figure of envy? When your life is a slogfest of work, work and then work-an' I'm talkin' 'bout mine-it doesn't feel very enviable. It just seems hard. What's the point of envy anyway? Normalcy seems enviable, simple basic things like home, family, & love are worth fighting for. Friendlier, smarter, cooler, prettier, whateverer-that's rather pointless to pick fights over. It's all so subjective that any reason you may feel to pick over that can only make those huge, gaping inadequacies that caused those feelings get even bigger. Jealousy makes people do ugly things, things that will change their relationships. Maybe permanently.

That does it for me. I prefer to get my feelings and quibbles out and inflect them on innocent passersby (hello!). Nothing noble about it, I just need all my energy for creative pursuits and videogames. Passions are better spent on things that make you feel good. Or at least me feel good.


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