House Hunters

What is home? Where is it? I'm plagued by desires for that elusive state called "home". Right now I share with my ex. This is the person that used to be "home" to me. We still have closeness but I ache for my own space. That's not likely to happen for, er, an eon or so. I wonder if when I go to my grave, I'll have to share a coffin.

Since I'd like to be at peace with this situation, I don't talk about how I feel. What's the point when nothing is going to change? My feelings get expressed in weird ways, though. I'm addicted to House Hunters on HGTV. I watch people select a house. My prognistication skills are put to the test trying to figure out which one will be the chosen one. All I see is me wandering some tacky hallway, entering a room covered in dowdy carpet, asking "is there wood floors under this?" I read house & land sales publications voraciously and daydream about what my own little piece of the world could look like. Little 3d floor plans litter my computer and once in a while, I pick up a magazine of floor plans. My bookshelves have tomes on sustainability, eco-housing and homemade everything.

I'm all set. If only I had the house to go with it.